Vampyroteuthis infernalis, lit. "vampire squid from Hell"
- Body covered in photophores (light-emitting organs) capable of producing disorienting flashes
- Can shoot balls of glowing mucus from its arm tips
- Thrives in low-oxygen zones where others fear to tread
- Adorable fins on its head for waving
Neither squid nor octopus, this little deep-sea buddy is the last of the order “Vampyromorphida,” its closest known relations being fossils. It usually lives in extremely deep seas, due to its relative smolness and shyness. Shyness aside, it keeps with the latest fashion trends, ranging its colors from jet-black to purple, a perfect summer outfit when you’re 11,800 ft beneath the sea. When you’re all alone in the empty blackness of the ocean you tend to become rather introverted, something that the Vampire squid takes to with gusto as it can invert its whole body into a spiked football. Given that it has the largest eyes in the world per its body size, it might be doing this to hide those beautiful peepers from the prying light of scientists and paparazzi. Or it could be that its underside is the only part of it that aren’t covered in photophores, so turning inside out makes the vamp completely invisible in its natural habitat. Every day is the weekend for the vampire squid, as all it wants to do is expend as little energy as possible, eat whatever garbage floats by, and be left alone. For this, we recognize lil’ Vampy as our most kindred of sea creatures.